This is written in honor of Castor, Eternal friend. Castor made his transition on the Summer Solstice 2013. He chose his time, I believe.
Castor was an extraordinary being. This picture was taken on our last day together. He was already crossing worlds, but still giving so much love.
Anyone who has a pet understands the love between humans and animals is intimate and personal and transcendental all at once. The Jewish philosopher, Martin Buber, described the I-Thou experience through his encounter with a cat. The day of Castor’s passing, he stretched his paw over my arm, in eternal friendship, and put his paw into my heart chakra. Even then, in his last, he was giving so much.
And his eyes, so mysterious: the black slits reflecting my being and the trees and foliage outside, as the multicolored yellow and green flecks changed like a kaleidoscope, souls exchanging information and awareness.
As we lay together, I felt that I shared in a life review with him. Names came up from the past – documents I had written during his early days when I was visiting the then Office of Alternative Medicine at NIH – and Castor was there, sitting on my desk, as I worked on my computer, interposing his loving body between my heart and the screen. Other people, relationships, spaces he had traveled with me.
On that last day I reassured him that he would drop the physical body and move into his golden body of Light, where he would be greeted by his brother Pollux, and other family, and Archangels and masters and avatars and rabbis and saints of every tradition.
We chanted the Arati, a prayer for honoring a great being; the Guru Gita, which is said to bring Liberation at death; and other mantras and prayers.
One of those present in the crossing saw him held in the arms of the divine mother, and understood that this was his last incarnation. He has merged into the Light.
Castor grew up with me during the time I left my Wall Street law practice to teach law, and simultaneously entered into the four year program at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. I became a healer, and Castor was there, together with Pollux, to witness all the homework done on my green healing table in Lykens, Pennsylvania in the cedar house where we lived up on Short Mountain. He was there when I returned from the Siddha Yoga meditation Ashram up in South Fallsburg, New York, where I received Shaktipat, the initiation of awakening of kundalini – and was present absorbing meditation energy (as he favored sitting on my meditation cushion where I chanted every morning). When I went to bed at night, I had my hands on him, and Pollux, or they were nearby, absorbing and radiating energy; and every night when my being would merge into a blaze of golden light, with the expression of kundalini energy rising, he was there too.
Castor would lay on your stomach and purr. He would purr loudly whenever touched. He loved people.
When he was a kitten, he and Pollux jumped up on the living curtains and loved to slowly ride down them (shredding the curtains with their nails). When resting, they were always curled up into two half-moons, together. Castor followed me around the house, as if asking questions (preparing to be human, though he could also embody many realities), and always jumped onto the desk when I was working from home.
The origins of Castor’s name: when I got Castor and Pollux, I look up to the sky and asked, “what should I name them?” The answer returned: “Castor and Pollux.” These were Greek twins, heroes who sailed with Jason. Only later did I learn that these two stars point to Arcturus. More about the Arcturians, later.
A friend wrote: “Even though they are gone from our sight, there are are never gone from our hearts. We are lucky that God gave us all those years with our cats. Castor had a long life and you gave him so much love!” And he gave so much too. Love is the reason we are here.
Another friend wrote: “His energy is still with us, just in a different way.”
The day before Castor passed, I put him gently on the grass outside in the garden. I heard a loud buzzing in my ear that persisted and grew louder. Finally I looked to see what it could be: a helicopter overhead? As I turned, a hummingbird whizzed from my ear and held itself aloft right in front of me and Castor. The message was twofold: to be present, in the moment, completely, and to know that we were being looked after and taken care of. “Be grateful for him and his journey of being an unconditionally loving presence in your life. Feel joy. Death is renewal. Castor fulfilled his duty to be with you in physical form…with him passing it is a time of renewal and being renewed.” The hummingbird teaches us to laugh and enjoy creation, to appreciate the magic of being alive and the beauty of living. Hummingbirds awaken the beauty of the present moment. As they dance the four quarters of embodied existence, they bring us medicine of the riddle of duality. We want to fly backwards and savor the beautiful past; our soul hovers at beautiful moments in our lives, making them freeze in time.
Castor had a conscious death. He lifted his head, with his last bit of energy in his physical body, to acknowledge each person that walked in the room. He draped his paw over mine. He looked at me and forged a heart connection. He knew he was dying, and in his dying moments, wanted to squeeze all the love out of his body and transfer it into my heart. So that I could walk on Earth with the awareness of being loved.
As he crossed, I received an intuitive message to place the healing rudraksha mala beads on his body. These are sacred beads which I wore through so many Intensives at the ashram. They are infused with yogic energy. Castor is wearing them on his neck, now, as his physical body is prepared for the final ceremony, in which the ashes of his physical form will be scattered into the ocean. Something vast and befitting his awareness.
I like to think of him wearing those beads. He was more than a cat–he was a yogi, and friend, taking the form of a cat body.
I will see you again, Eternal Friend. Be at peace in the golden light and merge with universal consciousness. We will meet again, and again, and again–in form, or if you are beyond form, then again in the Formless.
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Postscript: I heard from Castor yesterday. He said: “I wanted to stay with you. But my body couldn’t.”
I also had the realization that he took on a lot of old stuff and moved it out. Animals perform this sacrifice, just like avatars and gurus. I am glad I thanked him for all his sacrifices. Love is a sacrificial right in honor of the Self.
Another friend wrote: “Your writing about Castor is exquisite. Lucky cat to have spent so much time with you and gotten the benefit of all of that intelligence and sensitivity and love.”
Thank you everyone for you love and supportive comments. Many people have written saying that they cried when they read this post. Love and loss are two sides of a coin–a universal human experience. Peace, and blessings, as Castor would probably say from his golden perch.
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